Things I would like to do

This is a list containing not places I would like to go, but more specifically, things I would like to do in my life. It is a fairly haphazard list, full of clichés that I am a little ashamed of.

Go to the Summer Olympics
Go to the Winter Olympics
See a concert at Red Rocks
Go to Wimbledon
Go to Munich's Oktoberfest
Stomp on harvested grapes in France or Spain
Ride a hot air balloon
Go to a natural hot spring
Run a half marathon (maybe even a full)
Hike a portion of the Appalachian trail
Dress up and go to an opera premiere
Have bespoken shoes made for myself
See a total solar eclipse

Homeopathy at Home

I shall edit this post soon to cover my childhood experiences of homeopathy. But for now, an accurate satirical look at homeopathy from "That Mitchell and Webb Look" (the stars of "Peep Show").

Dreams

For the past few weeks I have had many memorable dreams; I'm not sure if I am generally sleeping poorly, or if it is merely the morning sun waking me a bit earlier than usual and interrupting my REM sleep. For the most part my dreams have been bordering on nightmares, although they were filled primarily with embarrassment and not abject terror. One particularly bad one had me giving birth to a 18 week old fetus, it living (is that even possible?) but being a single mom, needing to call my own mother for help. (To date I don't think I have had a dream about children that would ever make me want to be a mother.)

But last night I had a dream that took quite a different turn. It was actually a fantastic dream where every wish I had for my future came true- until I woke up to the disappointment that is reality, and it was so deflating. Things became even worse because, as it was a Sunday morning, I went back to sleep, and though I recalled my previous dream and that it had only been a trick as a dream, my next dream incorporated it, and once again everything I wished for occurred, and I even said to myself in my dream, "I was so sad after I dreamed all of this had happened, but it was still possible- it was fate." And then I woke up again.

Now, in this dream, none of these wishes are things that I can affect. It isn't about hard work and optimism, it is about decisions made by someone else. And so these rather beautiful dreams were the worst I have ever had. I'll take the nightmares any day- real life can't be as awful as they are, but it also can't be as good as it was in my dreams last night.

Return to blogging

I often enjoy reading the fluff articles in the Style pages in the New York Times, but today there were two doozies of articles that were so poorly conceived, researched and executed, and that had such a strong bearing on my life, that I just had to write about them.

The first of these articles, "What's your backup plan?" had the writer pursuing three possible dream careers that someone in a high stress office position might envision embarking upon. As one of the major questions I was struggling with when I began this blog was regarding what career path I wanted to choose, I read this article with great interest. I found it ridiculously superficial, and even insulting to anyone who does have an honest desire to strike out on their own. Certainly, to succeed in any form of entrepreneurship one must be living their dream, and that is why I have stuck to my current path in academic sciences. The writer of this article was such a dilettante in their one-day attempts at other careers it does not even rise to the level of being worthy of cocktail party discussion. Is it not blatantly obvious that if a job were particularly easier and more generally satisfying that playing Solitaire in a cubicle, a lot more people would have that career?

The second article dealt with the number of languishing blogs on the internet, "Blogs Falling in an Empty Forest". It has brought me to a new hypothesis, any title that makes a reference to the proverbial tree falling in a wood will not be worth reading. Unfortunately, to test this theory I would actually have to read such articles.Hmm, a conundrum. Returning to this particular article, no insight is brought into the drive of people to blog, or the reasons they leave blogging. I do not, and cannot believe that most people planned to blog for financial considerations. On the other hand, though I do not think I am alone in my reasons for blogging, I also do not think that I am in the majority.

Although there are many contributing factors to my blogging- to stay in touch with distant friends, and maybe make new ones, it's relative ease compared to journalling- my primary reason for blogging has been loneliness. In geographical and mental locations, I feel like I do not have the correct group of people to share my thoughts and opinions with. This first began when my boyfriend moved overseas and daily communications were difficult, and were exacerbated by his inability to have protracted theoretical discussions about the future. So I set up two blogs, one for the minutiae of life- the books, TV, movie, music, food and events- and this one, for my inner life. But then I became busy, no longer felt so alone, coordinated better transatlantic communication, and stopped blogging. Now, after the end of that relationship, a return to blogging, and perhaps even an expansion of it, seems desirable. But I do not expect it to last.

On the other hand, I do enjoy Twitter and sharing the little things that strike me during the day, and I feel that my most successful action today was adding my Twitter feed to my blog pages. (And apparently most Twitter accounts are languishing too.)

Complacency

Things seemed to be moving smoothly in my life. I have chosen a future job, and city to live in for the next few years. But then a wrench gets thrown in the works and I start to question the directions I am headed in. What will actually make me happy? If I could find true love and settle down, would that be enough for me? Do I need to make a mark on the world? Would making a mark be enough without true love?

And with these thoughts running through my head again- will I prevent myself from getting anything done? I need to turn off one part of my brain and just get things done. I can analyse it all again this fall. So that is what I will do.

But I haven't forgotten. And I won't let myself return to complacency.

Noble Profession I: Mother

The first profession I'd like to consider is that of mother, because the themes explored will carry through the discussion of many other professions. I had the advantage of a stay-at-home mom, who was indeed such a successful mother that I think my parents should consider becoming foster parents. I certainly saw being a mother, especially to multiple children, is a full-time job. Our health, happiness, self-assurance and academic success can be directly linked to our mother being home for us. The toughest years for my siblings were years when my mother worked part-time. I also the great advantage I held over classmates whose mother's worked, or whose parents were divorced. So I strongly feel that if possible, I should stay at home for children if I have them.

But being a full time mother doesn't interest me for many reasons. The constant running around, the fighting with irrational beings, the lack of intelligent discourse, the bad daytime television, and hatred of household chores are all good reasons not to be a stay-at-home mom. But the greatest reason I cannot desire to be a stay-at-home mom is because it values the child's life over my own. It puts greater importance upon their education and success than the mother's own life.

Recently, an undergrad I work with told me about a conversation he had with his mother on the related child-raising topic. His mother is already bothering him about finding the right girl to settle down with and have children. When he told his mother that he didn't think he wanted to have children, his mother broke out the old "but what if your children cure cancer?" argument. His rather predictable, yet nonetheless withering reply was, "but what if your child is the one that does it?"

I have to much respect and regard for myself (that's the nice way of saying that I'm selfish) to devote my life solely to other people. Clearly this will have a big impact upon what noble profession I can choose.

With regards to having children, it is too complicated an issue for me to know my own mind. If I want a career, and I want a husband with a traditional (not stay-at-home) career who is possibly even more financially successful than I, I also do not want to be such a selfish parent that I drag my child around the world behind me, or abandon them to the care of others as so often occurs in literature.

Love Is Love

This past Saturday night the local news came on with a story about invitations to a concert at Denison college having a noose on them while exhorting students to come to a Halloween event by saying, "Come hang with us". It all seemed a bit silly to get riled up over, but apparently multiple tolerance focused groups on the Denison campus took action, so the newscasters interviewed them. One student, the mohawked president of an anti-hate group was putting up signs in opposition; the signs were hand-drawn in pink marker and said "Love is Love" with hearts around them. I started to laugh and describe what was on TV to my roommate who was in the kitchen.

She didn't understand why I was laughing- and thought that the "Love is Love" message was a good one no matter what.

Now I still think that it was amusingly stupid and pointless, but part of me feels like maybe I'm not as wholesome or innocent or optimistic as I used to be, and possibly as I want to be. Or am I just too smart? If the sign had said something of actual meaning, even as dumb as "Love, Don't Hate" would I have laughed? Apparently yes, as I giggled as I typed that.

In the end, I think some people are too uptight (the ones that were upset by the invitation), some are too upright (the ones that put up the love posters) and some cynics have just enough of a sense of humor to make it through the world smiling.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3